Pass the Ambien please...

This is the second time this has happened....in a row.

I can't sleep.

I've been tossing and turning for the past 2 nights, and I don't know why.

It might be that I'm anxious to move out of my apartment and into my new one.

Maybe it's money issues....


Maybe it's because my sleep schedule is out of wack....I don't know.

I feel really restless, and it's almost like a chore to go to sleep.


I'm not really sure as to what I should do or be doing to make myself feel tired, but something needs to happen, fast.

I miss sleeping..it's like those commercials with the beaver and Abraham Lincoln. I miss my dreams.

I started thinking about graduation tonight while I was lying in bed.

I thought about my great-grandpa and how he was there watching me graduate and then I started thinking about his old house with the huge living room that seemed to stretch for miles. My room with the giant entertainment unit that had all my toys, movies and t.v....my bed that I never slept in because I loved to sleep with my great-grandpa and grandma.

I thought about the bar that connected to the living room and how mysterious it always was. It felt like you were in another time sitting or standing by the bar. It was really interesting.

The living room was one of my favorites. It had the carpet that bit at my toes and sent shivers down my spine because it never fully connected to the edges of the walls and doors. The big lounge chair that I always sat in with my grandpa and how I would sit there and drink coke out of a tall shot glass and pretend that I was a high-class woman....while I watched Thomas the Tank Engine and ate Kit Kats.

My favorite was my grandpa's room. His bed was so big and I would always get told the next morning at breakfast that I was kicking both of my grandparents throughout the night...even though I always slept great. I remembered getting my lunch in the kitchen and going out through the kitchen door to the driveway where it was covered in gravel.

I miss that house so much....it makes me sad to think that I haven't seen it in so long. I miss my great-grandpa so much it hurts to think about it. I don't know if it's because I'm feeling odd as of lately but, it does.

I feel like I'm in a really weird place right now...it's almost like I'm fed up with how things are going.

I'm hating my job, broke and not really sure what to do with myself.

I'm hoping that things will get better once I'm all moved. I have so many ideas that I think they're the real reason why I'm not getting any sleep. I have so many things I want to do with my new apartment and I feel like I have so little time.

My mom doesn't know I'm selling my living room set, and I'm not really sure as to how I'm going to tell her, if I even do that is. I mean, she can't really expect me to keep this furniture for the rest of my life. Sure, it's high end stuff, but honestly, I don't feel like rocking the whole "southwestern theme" until I'm old enough to actually relate to it.

I decided that I wanted some more change today. After careful consideration at my dislike of my recently changed hair color (and by that I mean yesterday) aka it did not come out looking very different at ALL....I went red.

It's SO red...it's like, a cherry wood color. It's pretty. I like it.

I'm trying to make myself into an even better person. Job hunting is miserable as always. Too many scams and people trying to get college students into commission based work. It's lame...I hope I can find something...there was a great job for SRP but I don't know if I'm 100% qualified...but we'll see.

Alright, I'm going to try this sleep thing again................