We shall survive, let us take ourselves along!

Well, I'm not really sure how to say this...but I think the battle is lost.

I haven't heard anything from the guys regarding me playing or being added to the EP...

I haven't gone to the last 2 practices because I've been trying to get the EP into a more solid state, which I have! I rewrote some parts in two of the songs and they sound WAY better and more energetic....and just fucking epic!

So...I was thinking today about possibly going to practice tomorrow, to hang out, see everybody, because I miss them all. I noticed there was a post about them going back into the studio...so, me thinking that maybe they'd want me to play, I text the leader...

And come to find out that it's not necessary for me to come down, but thanks anyways.

...............................I'm not sure what to think.

I asked if they were mad at me, but was told they're not...which just confuses me even more.

I mean, yeah I haven't gone to the practices the past two times, but do they blame me? I've had no reason to according to them and I would probably work out better with things if I practiced on my own anyways. So there....that's my opinion about things.

My roommate has an audition on Sunday...that should be interesting. I'm going with her just in case the people are odd..lol

I'm thinking about looking for another band to join or even consider, but I'm not 100% sure of what I'm going to do yet. I mean, I still want to go my original route and work on music and get better at song writing like I have been...but especially after tonight, I'm not sure on how to approach things. I think I will definitely go by on Wednesday just to hang out, but that's about it.

I'm going to try to get a feel for how they are feeling regarding me as a person and a musician.

I mean the last time we talked, they told me flat out they liked me as a person and wanted me to think about what I wanted to do. I even told our lead guy that I wanted to talk to him and to let me know when he's free. He obviously doesn't care about it because he never got back to me.

That makes me kind of sad since there have been a lot of broken promises between him and I.

Promises to work on music together and make things sound better. I guess I wasn't important enough or worth spending time with...as I've noticed before with his "girlfriend" (who he broke up with I'm assuming considering his recent V-day pics....with his ex..haha don't even get me started on that shit) and considering what happened a couple Saturday's ago at the show.

I can't help feel irritated by this whole thing, but part of me isn't at the same time. The reason I say this is because I feel more at ease with less pressure on me. I mean, I've honestly only had about 2 months to really work on stuff...I thought about it.

I took winter session..and that took up a huge part of my break that I didn't even notice other things going on around me.

For instance, I missed the deadline for graduate school. So now, I'll have a semester off and will work on applying then...

This is going to be weird since I've been going to school every semester since I was a little kid. It'll be weird to not be doing anything during this time.

A lot of my friends think it's great because I'll be done with my B.A. and have time off...but I like being busy, I like learning.

Speaking of which, I just registered for my last classes for summer session...the GOOD news is that they're all online! (THANK GOD). I honestly don't think I could ever do a summer/winter in session class. Good LORD....that was almost a mistake...but it'll be worth it in the end when I walk in May. :-)

Nonetheless, it'll be weird to not have any classes next semester....my friend Steven and I were talking about Oktoberfest...and as AWESOME as it sounds..I don't know if I'd do it.

The biggest part is money (obviously). I mean, I do have the time, but money is the biggest thing. The next is flying by myself. The stops were awesome though....GA (which I've been before haha) and PARIS.....wow...For like, 4.5 hours... I mean shit it's Paris!

It's really too soon to tell what I'll be doing then anyways, so we'll see what happens.

For right now, I'm just trying to get through this semester and get shit sorted out with, well, pretty much everything.

My life is pretty much in a lull right now. I'm still WAITING for my braces to come off...they should be off the 24th, if not, shit is going down in the orthodontist's office...no joke.

School is good though. I'm doing really well actually and I think I've tapped into my "I really like to learn/I want to be a smarter person" phase of college. Too bad it's NOW and wasn't 2 years ago...yaaay parties.

Regardless, I've found myself thinking pretty much everyday about the last 4 years of my life.

They've been great full of good/bad/awesome/sad memories. I've experienced a lot, met a lot of great people who I still talk to today and yet, as cliche as it sounds, I feel like my life is just starting. I'm not afraid of the corporate world, but that's mainly because I'm going to continue my education.....when I get around to applying for graduate school next semester..haha

I'm also considering a change in career too. I think I'd really like to get back into working for a radio station again....definitely not the Edge though.........that was almost a mistake. I say this because I did get a lot of good experience, but some of those experiences were just, wrong.

I'm not sure what I'd like to do per say, but I'm sure I could find something again...especially since I have experience in the field roughly.

I finished Angels & Demons........such a good book! I was really impressed with Dan Brown and how he wrote it...I'll admit, I've stayed up waaaaay past my bedtime to try to find out what happens..and it was probably one of the best books I've read in my entire life. I highly recommend it.

And...my throat hurts.....ow >.<