Say what...?

Last night was interesting.

I basically got a "Band Intervention".....telling me I suck and I need to work on shit and get it down faster.

Yay?

The big part about that is just having something to actually work on..and I only just recently got the new material to actually work on it...so meh.

I'll see what I can do. All I know is that tonight when I get home from work, I'm going to work on the 2 main songs for the show...and if I have time the other one I have yet to really learn...

I may even go back over the original stuff and work on that too..just because they told me it does not sound that great...geez guys..thanks

That's another thing...I was told that I've been getting special treatment, which I can understand and it pisses me off that they're just now telling me this when it could have been solved forever ago....argh!

And now on Saturday, I have to "sit down" with everybody and tell them to tell me the truth about my playing and to really get on me about it.....yay awkwardness.... >.<

I also really wanted to hang out with him but he was too tired..which was a shame..and he was making fun of the fact that my "boyfriend" wanted my #....yeah no. I'm good.

I also found out he's still with her....I guess....I don't know how I really feel about that..just kind of irritated, but if he's going to play that game then whatever. I can too.

I'm not sure what's going to happen next, but for me, I know it's going to be a lot of practicing and catching up with the band so we'll see what happens there.

I know I can do it, they all believe in me, which it's good to have them on my side, but it's frustrating at times because my instrument is a really hard one to play and if you do mess up, it can be heard....and I really want to do well, especially in something like this that could get me playing in front of a crowd that appreciates my contribution.

So

I'm going to fucking do it.

These guys are going to see a change as will I...so they'd better be ready for it.

Oh, and the other thing they pointed out is that I'm a "guy" now...yay for being treated as an equal..haha

Stuck!

I am...annoyed...frustrated...and feeling detached...


ARGH!

Things with the band are getting more...well, intense...

I'm starting to feel the pressure..especially since there's a show on Feb 7th and I still have 2 songs to learn...and one of them, is being a bitch..the other well...I haven't decided if I'm going to hate it yet or not..so we'll see.

Other than that, I know the other ones we're playing..

Also, I need to figure out my war paint, which I think I'm okay with...and then I need to find an outfit..which I think after class tomorrow I'm going to go shopping to see if I can find anything "warrior" like.

Things with the boy are...awkward..I'm not really sure wtf is going on anymore.

I'm trying to keep my distance, do my own thing, let him do his.........yet I want to hang out with him.

Part of me thinks he's just busy with school or other things....yet I keep thinking back to that book I read which basically said, if he's not calling/texting, he's just not that into you.

Seriously, hate that fucking book........mainly b/c it's right.

I don't know...I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and see what'll happen.

I'm almost considering stepping up and saying something ....but again, don't want to come off too forward or anything...so we'll see.....but then again, the last time I thought that...he said he wished I would have done something.

Fucking men...they just fuck with your head.

School is okay...I wish I had more time to sleep.

I've been working out more...3 times last week, 2 this week so far and I'm going to get up tomorrow morning and go again..and then again on Friday night...so yay!

I haven't heard from my sister....surprise there...

My mom's truck got stolen... >.< ...very lame.

I feel like saying this....

I am AWESOME..!

BOOYAH...

I win.


Thank you


<3

Lessons Learned

Interesting night to say the least.

A lot of things I expected and didn't expect.

We went out, had some drinks, and talked about the whole situation in depth.

And we kissed. It was freaking cute and unexpected. He's really good at that.

I'm not sure what's going to happen with his girl, but we'll see. Last he told me things were pretty much over....and hey, for the record, I did say it would probably be a week more and then *BOOM*...done.

Ah well.

I'm being cautious about things this time around. I'm not planning on making any mistakes or interpreting things in a way that they shouldn't be.

I definitely learned some things from this experience. Be patient, be kind, be wise, and be honest.

Good things to learn and all at once? Wow.

Like I said, I'm not really sure where things are going from here, but it's kind of nice to not know what's going to happen.

I did kick myself a bit after learning some stuff that I didn't know...about how he wanted me to come after him and try to push the issue...where here I am trying not to make the situation any worse than it could be.

Of course...the one thing I try to do correct and end up failing at because I was scared to mess things up.

The past is the past, we both realized that...and that it's never to late to try something again.

Ever since last night I've had a mix of happiness and feeling worried about what is to come.

I'm not sure I 100% trust him....especially with his track record...but the thing is that I want to trust him....so I'm going to give him a shot and see what comes of it.

I like where I'm at. I really do.

I'm looking for a change.....a good one

The past 2 days have been kind of....awkward...and crazy...and sort of a let down.

I got screwed over by the orthodontist...braces didn't come off because they're dumb asses and didn't put a chain to prevent a gap from showing up....yeah thanks.

So that was a fail......

And I left class and everything......ugh so mad..

I didn't get my payout when everyone else did...go figure..but I got it at midnight so that worked out.

Since it's been a while, I figure I should update on the boy stuff..

Finally talked to him about the whole situation..things were cleared up..but now things are in a weird place.

He said he'd think about things...and I guess my roommate really stood up for me..which is good.

I'm just not sure what's going to happen...I really like that kid and I would just hate to see a good thing pass by.

All I can do is wait.

Things are going well with the band too....we got approved for a really big show that could give us a lot of good exposure....so now I really need to get back into practicing.

I wish winter session was over....like now. Then I could have more time to learn music.

Spring semester is starting...yaay...graduation is getting closer.

It's crazy....these past 4 years went by fast. I'm interested to see how this semester goes. I'm hoping that a lot of great things come of it.

It's a new year....things need to get better.

Speaking of which...I haven't been doing the stuff I want to be...and it makes me mad.

I really need to start going to the gym....argh..I hate being super busy..I want a break from school. Damn it....I deserve a break.

New Year, New Issues

New Years was a fucking BITCH...

I'm not even sure where to begin.....

Let's see...where did the awkwardness begin..and where did it end....?

Well, I can guarantee you that it has not ended and will not end...bleh

Boy I cooked for decided to get obnoxiously drunk at a New Years party I went to and decided that he was going to try really hard to be next to me, come on to me....as long as it involved getting near me, he did it.

Me on the other hand, not being very happy because I had work the next morning (9-5 bitches...) did not really drink that much.

Oh, and my crazy ex-boyfriend showed up...if anything that made my night a bit entertaining but eh, I'd rather get my entertainment from someone else besides him.

But yeah, anyways...

Hanging out, not drinking a lot...midnight comes around..

My friend Kristi was there, and drunk like other people and decided I was going to be her New Years midnight kiss.

I was down..hey, kissing chicks is fun, not going to lie and I didn't really feel like kissing the boy who wouldn't let me breathe for 2 seconds..

So the countdown starts...10 seconds..

Kristi comes up to my right side, him on my left..

5 seconds..

They both start inching closer and closer..

At midnight...I turn to Kristi to kiss her and hear an "Oh shit" from my left..

I felt good, but shitty....but good regardless because I had gotten away with it and was slowly trying to inch my way away from him..


But.....that plan failed because before I knew it, he had spun me around and was planting one on me...

It's really a shitty feeling to not want to kiss someone who is currently kissing you. I mean, you can't do anything about it except go with it until they stop..which unfortunately felt like forever when it was really only 5 seconds....

May I add the LONGEST 5 seconds of my life...geez

After he did it, I pulled back and pushed away...

We talked about everything. How I felt, why I did/didn't feel a certain way towards him. It was awkward to say the least.

And then I felt embarrassed...mainly because EVERYBODY was in on it. My friends had been encouraging him telling him to make a move..

And AFTER I had shot him down, he was consoled by them all. I felt slightly betrayed in a way knowing that other people were telling him things that I wasn't aware of and things that I did not want to happen!

He ended up walking home that night, which was a long ways away...I felt kind of bad, but honestly, I really don't feel like being with someone who pouts like that. I mean shit, grow a pair and pull yourself together.

He called me today and wants to have dinner and 'chat'....argh

Yeah....I'm thinking about putting that off....? Yes.

Winter session is a pain already. It's been a week and I have a test on Monday as well as a paper due. I have a paragraph and 1 reference.

I fail.

I'm hoping these next 2 weeks go by relatively fast.

I'm also kind of worried about the first test. I want to do really well in this class and sadly I don't have the book for it because I can't AFFORD IT.

The GOOD news however is that I'm supposed to get my payout on Friday Jan 9th which is next week weeeeeeeeeee!

So...MAYBE by then I'll be able to properly study. Maybe.

I'm almost considering just going to the bookstore and reading the book in the store to study.

We'll see..

First and foremost I need to do this paper................which I am putting off because I am writing about my experiences over the last couple of days, which to me is way more intriguing then my topic about how attractiveness affects hiring in the work place.

And it really doesn't help that EBSCO is not working properly and is taking forever to load..

Oh, and my Acrobat Reader is being a bitch for some reason. Thanks for that.

Tonight was fun. Hung out with my bff...she had a crazy night.

I got to meet some interesting people. It was nice.

I haven't heard from my sister since before New Years. I still think about her and wonder if she's okay. She probably is it's just not knowing if she's REALLY okay...without her meds and all.

Boys hmm..nothing new there. I've gotten over my latest which is good. I feel better and it's mainly because I haven't had to personally deal with it and see it in action. I personally think his new girl/fling is as dull and empty headed as a fucking amoeba...but hey, that's just me.

My bff agrees with me on this one...there's something about her that just bothers me and I can't put my finger on it...I just think it's her clingy nature and lame ass excuse for a personality. He's in for a surprise is all I can say....and I have a feeling he's getting to the point of being done with her....it's only a matter of time.